Despair

Stand there.  On one foot.  Counting.  Breathing and counting.  Waiting for the bell.  The buzzer.  It will come.  Repeat.  Each side.  Repeat.

Just when you think you cannot bear another complication.  Another face.  Another name.  A whole new history to listen to.  The reader's digest condensed version.   Tomato soup.  Juice from concentrate.   She arrives.

So much depends.  I am dependable, deep-endible,  And I am the future.  Leader.  This encounter.   This timing.  The mention of God.  I am ready.  God's plan.  Depending too much on life's mystery,  I allow.

You tell yourself.  The myths you have created to sustain you.  The little white lies. The magic that you cling to.  All of it.  Its crowding out what passes for possibility.  Making room for prophecies,  predictions.  And prophylactics.