The dead defend their secrecy with silence; discretion comes with their decay. While the truth of the matter was that one's pursuit of sex, of love, of any kind of connection actually was, is and always will be an exploration of one's eternal ambivalence. At any moment, one might be overwhelmed by a specific magnetic attraction--physical, spiritual, practical or romantic--and succumb to the urgency of communion. Equally possible, one might be repelled by urbanity, humanity, by life itself, so that suddenly, spontaneously gravity might flicker off and myself (and most others) would be sucked into the black and endless vacuum of space to be forever forgotten and alone.
"This journal is not a mere literary diversion. The further I progress, reducing to order what my past life suggests, and the more I persist in the rigor of composition--of the chapters, of the sentences, of the book itself--the more do I feel myself hardening in my will to utilize, for virtuous ends, my former hardships. I feel their power." --Jean Genet
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